beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
