his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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