my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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