True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
