If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
