Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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