I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
