i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
