p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
