all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
