So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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