I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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