Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
