So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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