I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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