New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
