It's like God shit irony all over that family
i came on her dog
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
