I love having hate sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
