well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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