He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
