Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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