i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
