Ambien. No doubt about it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
