You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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