I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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