I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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