Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
did you just send me my own nude
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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