She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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