To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
