I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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