Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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