there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
