so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
