he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
