real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize