So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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