Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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