I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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