My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
