If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
