hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
