Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
