Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
