In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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