we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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