I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
