i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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