Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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