It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
