i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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