I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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