Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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