i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
