the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
