There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
