i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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