You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
time to smoke my breakfast
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
