just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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