its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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