My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
