the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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