OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
