At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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