dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
