She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
