I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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