nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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