You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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