He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
