So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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