You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
