I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
