Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
