Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize