I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
