Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
