you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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