You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
