i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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