This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
