remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fuck appropriateness.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize