Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
