But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
