I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
