i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
