your parents love me but you hate me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
