my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
