please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
