The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
