The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
