Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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