i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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