Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
