2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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