if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
