It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
